By: Abby Anerella ❤️
(This week's blog was written by my boyfriend, Thomas. To Thomas: thank you for everything you have done and everything you continue to do for me. You've always shown me that anything can be made into something to smile about. I love you so much.
- Abs)
I met Abby at the beginning of our senior year in high school, and we weren’t dating for long when she opened up to me about her anxiety. Abby has been very open with me about her mental health, as I am always one of the first people to know what’s causing her stress. When she started telling me that she was experiencing symptoms of OCD, I turned to Google and began researching ways I could help. I never really knew what OCD was, and I would get frustrated because, as I tried to help, nothing would improve. It was actually getting worse. The methods I learned on the internet were very broad and only provided a temporary fix, and the issues would resurface the following day. This went on for a while, and then I noticed that what I was doing worked for half of a day, and then only for a few hours until they didn't work at all. It was around this time when Abby started experiencing depersonalization episodes.
I want to emphasize depersonalization, as it was challenging to watch from the perspective of someone who believed they understood the situation but had no way to help. This time was especially hard seeing how it took a toll on Abby. Before I knew Abby was going through these episodes, when I would see her in them, I just thought her anxiety was acting up. At the time, I only knew the basics about OCD, so I attributed most things to her anxiety flaring up. Once these episodes happened more frequently, Abby sent me an article to read about depersonalization, and this was when I really learned about what was going on.
One day over winter break, Abby's anxiety and OCD were worse than usual. I ended up sleeping at her house that night, where she experienced a heartbreaking depersonalization episode. During the episode, she had a hard time remembering who her loved ones were. She knew their relation to her, but they felt like strangers. My heart broke for her as she tried repeatedly to remember who I was, holding my hands tight and touching my face. I didn't know what to do besides hugging her tightly and praying that this episode would end. We eventually went to bed, and after a sleepless night, we went upstairs and lay on the couch. Eventually, Abby was finally able to fall asleep for a few hours. After she woke up, she experienced another episode. Again, not knowing what to do, I hugged her tightly. During this episode, Abby's face lit up, and she said to me, "I can feel love again," and hugged me. Unfortunately, this moment of bliss left as quickly as it came, and we were back where we were before. I believe that this was the turning point when Abby decided she wanted to go to an outpatient program. Abby experienced days that were worse than others, but none as bad as this one, which was a sign that things were starting to look up.
A few weeks after Abby started her outpatient program, she invited me to sit in one of the sessions with her lead clinician. I was still confused about what OCD really was because I saw what it could do to someone, but I didn't understand why it did that. Her clinician explained it in a way that was very easy to understand. To see that explanation, please refer to the "About OCD" tab. We also discussed other ways I could approach her OCD that encouraged her to accept the thought as a possibility. By doing this, it makes the person accept the thought, thus making it not seem as important as it was. The methods I learned that day have been and still are working to this day.
The next time I was at the outpatient program was for Abby's graduation. Abby is by far the strongest person I know. I admire that she kept a positive attitude during the program and put others and their mental health before her own. I couldn't be prouder of what she has done and what she has accomplished. I’m proud of you, Abs, and I love you.
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