By: Abby Anerella ❤️
As soon as the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, your social media will be flooded with workout videos, inspirational quotes, and people telling you what “era” they want for themselves as the new year begins. The reality is that this only creates a mentality that lasts a few months and you’re left wondering why your “new year new me” goal failed.
You’re spending more time trying to change yourself than you are trying to accept yourself.
Most people will tell you that their goal for the new year is to lose weight because they aren’t happy with what their body looks like. They don’t like what they see in the mirror. Their stomach isn’t flat enough. Their butt isn’t big enough. Their thighs aren’t small enough. Their hips are too wide. Their arms are too thin. Everyone talks about wanting to change, but no one talks about how important it is for a young woman to grow up in a society where your body is accepted. No one talks about what it does for your mental health.
I’ve struggled with body image for a while now. Through my battle with my OCD, I lost 35 pounds over the course of a couple of years. I never realized how much weight I had lost until I gained it back. I came to a place where I accepted why I was thin. Now I’m in a place where I have to accept that the weight I’ve gained is healthy.
For almost three years I listened to:
“you look great! Have you been working out?”
“I can see your collarbone Abby, you need to eat a cheeseburger or something”
“What’s your diet? You practically have a six pack”
“Eat some more. You’re so skinny”
For those of you that know me, know that I love to drink Diet Coke. I joke about how I have a Diet Coke addiction. What only my therapist, my boyfriend, and my best friend know is that the reason I started drinking so much Diet Coke was because I read online that it helps you gain weight after being told I looked frail.
Never judge a book by its cover.
At the end of the day, I’m sure the people who know my story who have told me to “eat a cheeseburger” cringe at the things they have said to me. I’m sure the people who know my story who have said, “have you been working out?” cringe at the things they have said to me.
My point is that whatever you do and however you look, someone will always be there to make a comment. Ideation doesn’t exist. Perfection isn’t real. You need to be gentle with yourself because at the end of the day the only voice you are hearing everyday is your own.
The harsh reality of dealing with your body image as a young woman is this: you will always been subjected to comparison. You will always be subjected to criticism. You will always be subjected to rude remarks and out of pocket comments.
Making a mental note of everything you put into your mouth, excessively working out, and cutting your calories is not an answer. And yet no one talks about how damaging a lifestyle like that is. Praise is put on something that shouldn’t exist in the first place. Creating a body you are proud of can be done in different ways.
I’m not sitting here telling everyone to love your body everyday for the rest of your life. There will be times when you’re uncomfortable in your skin and times when you wish you engaged in healthier habits. This is NORMAL. But depriving yourself of what it needs in order to fill out an ideation that doesn’t exist will only hurt your heart. Challenge yourself in asking the reason behind your actions. Challenge yourself in asking what is beneficial to you and what isn’t. Challenge yourself to love you for you.
Not many people admit they are engaging in unhealthy habits until they need help to stop it. Read that again.
I gained healthy weight back since being in the IOP. I still struggle to accept that my body is different from what it looked like one year ago. Sometimes it’s hard to remind yourself that certain things are for the better. I’ve come to realize that it’s hard for me to accept that my body has changed out of fear of what other people see and believe, not what I see and believe for myself. My body holds value. The weight I’ve gained holds positivity. And I hold the truth. A truth that my body is exactly where it needs to be, and no matter the fear of what other people believe, the body I wake up in everyday tells a story of growth.
This year I signed up for a mental health awareness 5k that I’ll participate in in the spring. Not because I’m focused on changing my body and “getting in shape”, but because I’ve accepted that this is the body I was given. Participating in something to let my body know I appreciate it as a whole is something that is important to me… OCD diagnosis and all.
This year I will not work on changing myself, but work on loving who I am and what I give to others. That is my goal for 2024.
…And I’ll always be your daily reminder that there’s beauty in acceptance.
Comments