The Importance Of Who You Surround Yourself With

By: Abby Anerella ❤️

I’ve been wanting to write a blog on how important it is to surround yourself with people who bring positivity into your life as opposed to negativity for a while.

When you think of someone you want to spend your time with, does that person include someone who makes you feel negative? Well, obviously not. So why are so many people stuck around toxicity?

For a while I had a “best friend” who was neither a positive influence on my mental health, nor a positive influence to me as a person.

My therapist always said to me “if you wouldn’t tolerate this behavior in romantic relationships, why tolerate it from a friend?”

We as humans are always very quick to place higher standards in our partners, than we do in our friendships. Long story short, we tolerate more bullshit from our friends than we do from the person we look to spend the rest of our lives with.

When you put it this way, you start to pay more attention to what your needs are, and who is fulfilling them and who is not.

As much as my mental health is a struggle for me, I’m grateful for it in the way that it showed me who my real friends and loved ones are. I believe that when people go through their toughest of times, the ones who stay, are the ones you stay for.

My favorite quote is from a woman named Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This applies to things that are both positive and negative in nature. Just as you would never forget a heartbreaking moment, you will never forget the ones that made you feel like you could fly.

When you are in a tough place, your surroundings are what keep you in the light. The people that push you, empathize with you, understand you, listen to you, don’t judge you, encourage you, are loyal to you, are the people you never want to let go of. You don’t realize the impact your social surroundings have on your overall well being. If you are constantly around somebody who makes you question your goodness of heart, you are going to feel as they want you to feel.

In the few years I was best friends with a girl who would constantly put me down, I thought that’s what normal friendships were like. The people around me always vocalized that this person wasn’t good for me, but I couldn’t see why she wasn’t. It was all I knew in a friendship, and it wasn’t until my boyfriend (Thomas) and my now best friend (Alexandra) started to open my eyes to healthy relationships that I began to realize why people were saying what they were saying.

The toughest battle I ever fought was the moment I came home from school. In those moments I knew exactly the importance of who you surround yourself with. Thomas was there for me in more ways than I could count. Always reminding me that tomorrow was a new day, and that his shoulder would always be there for me to cry on. My parents, my brother, my brother’s girlfriend, my best friend, my family, and of course, my dogs were all things that moved me closer to personal success as opposed to away from it.

The night I came home from school, I was the most hopeless I had ever felt. The only one of my friends that I ever felt comfortable enough telling what was happening (read the My Struggle With Depersonalization blog) was Alexandra. I remember picking up my phone not knowing who I wanted to call, and her name was staring at me in my contact list. I got the confidence to call her, and we both cried on the phone together for hours. For days to follow, my text messages were flooded with words of encouragement, inspirational messages, and long paragraphs of advice.

My days felt draining, and my brain felt empty and cluttered at the same time. I was having frequent panic attacks. The only thing I wanted to do was be around people who would fill my cup up.

After my phone call with Alexandra, I remember thinking to myself why I didn’t feel comfortable calling the best friend I had known for 4 years. I remember wondering how different the conversation probably would have played out, and how grateful I was to have Alexandra in my life to help navigate this scary journey with me.

My days are now brighter with all these people by my side. I got the confidence to part ways with my old best friend, and focus on myself, which is something I have never done before.

As hard as it may be to let go of things that keep you tied to the past, the best things in life are the ones you never expected to be a part of your present day.

To Mom & Dad, Luke, Thomas, Peyton, Allie, Chris, Alexandra, my extended family, and the rest of my hometown friends, thank you for everything you have done for me. The kindness in your heart has never been overlooked.

P.S. Extra special shoutout to my dogs Hank & Lily. They’re the best representation of true love & happiness :)